is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
