come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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