I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
