and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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