No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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