I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
