That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
