Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
