Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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