my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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