U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You smell like stripper and shame
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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