Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
