Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
