Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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