we're blogging at a bar
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
