they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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