You're my little dorito
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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