I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
