So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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