How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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