I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
