she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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