she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
