You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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