he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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