Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
