someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
