They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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