I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
