Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
