Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
