I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
