I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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