Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
