Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is Oprah even human
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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