Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
