Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
