There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
