I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
