Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
