I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
