Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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