yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
