I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i permit you to call me
I just found puke in my bra..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
