guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
