Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
