I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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