i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
