my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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