So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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