see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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