Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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