I'll bet she douches with gravy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so let's talk penis.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
