I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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